Thursday, August 4, 2011

I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears, But None On My Fingers

A Week in the Life of Boring, Small Town, Frustrated, Nerdy Me -- Day 1 -- Thursday, August 4th, 2011

00:23 - Hailey~ "Mama, can I please sleep in your bed?"
           Me~ *grumble, grumble* "I don't care" *grumble, grumble*

03:51 - *bark, bark* *wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof* *meeeeoooooooow* *rawr, hisssss* *bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, baaaaaaaaaaaaaarkkkkkkkkk*
Me~ "WOULD YOU ALL STOP FIGHTING AND GO TO BED ALREADY!"
Hailey~ "There's a monkey on my window..... *snore, snore* *kick to the shin*
Me~ *grumble, grumble, grumble*

07:45 - I wake up and look at the clock... "Holy crap, I slept past 6. I cannot believe my brain allowed such a thing to happen. That's frickin awesome."

I slowly, quietly, like "one noise and a bomb goes off" kinda quiet happening here, go out of my bedroom to use the facilities. I don't like to wake Sleeping Beauty/Beast Hailey up, unless absolutely needed.

*bark, bark, bark*

Yes Zoey, I can tell that you're awake, good for you.

*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF*

Charlie, I see you haven't slept in.

I finish my business and go upstairs to see those two dogs of mine run from me in fear. "Shit", I think to myself. "What have they done now?"

Turn the corner into the kitchen... SHIT EVERYWHERE! Like, literal, dog feces. Hailey left a ballerina skirt out... It has dog crap on it. The nice cushions my mom has on the kitchen chairs, brown stink on all 4 of them. The rug? Yep. In front of the door? Yep. Needless to say, this is NOT how I wanted to start my day.

I clean everything up, tie Charlie and Zoey up outside, and go find the cats. Now, we have four cats in our house... Whiskers, who was my sister's birthday present approximatley 15 years ago, is a serious bitch. She hates the other animals and turns her nose up at you if you speak to her. Shadow was my birthday present 12 years ago and is totally nuts. She has some effed up meow from a big fight she got into with the neighbor cat and walks with a limp. Hailey received two baby kittens a couple months ago; they have a tooooooooooon of energy and never sleep. Like, ever. The only thing I like about them is their names: Dobby and Pippin.

Anyway, I find the cats and make sure they've eaten and their litter boxes (plural, like 3) are all cleaned out. Next I hear this incredibly loud, "MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY, I POOOOOOOOOOOOPED!" For some reason, the kid gets super excited when this happens. I think it's because from the time she was born until about  a year ago, the kid was always constipated. It was totally frustrating for everyone. Okay, so I think I've already filled my poo-quoto for the day by now.

It's still only like, 08:15 at this point, and Hailey wants "To get dressed right now, right now, and I need a banana and my chocolate milk, and can you do my hair nice for me Mommy, and I want you to brush it slow so I won't cry, and can I have a yogurt with my banana, and when is Nana coming home from bacation and where do we get to go today and" blah blah blah.

So I find her something to wear and I sit down to do her hair... I'm going to stop for a second and tell you just how big of a chore this is every day.

This is her hair. Yep... We've cut it ONE TIME since she was born. She screams when someone shows her scissors. It's usually much more curly, but she had slept in a braid the night before.

So, she already starts to get figity; it's quite hard to tame that mane, let me tell you.

Me~ "Okay, what kind of hair do you want to have today?"

Hailey~ "Ummmmm, let. me. think. hmmmmmm. hmmmmmmm. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"

Me~ "Bubba, can you tell me quick? We have some stuff to do today."

Hailey~ "I gots it! I want the braidy thing that Ari had at school the other day."

Wonderful. Great. Grand. Perfect. It's like a complicated, multi step, braid that it's attached to the head. I can't explain. Anywho, I turn on the TV to distract her and astonishingly, ten minutes later we are left with this:

I'm feeling pretty good now!

So, moving along... I get Hailey her breakfast and take my shower.

I sit down to check my e-mail, the latest on YouTube, and ADF, and fanfiction, and facebook, and twitter, and...

Glance at the clock... "Holy crap! It's 12:30!!!"

That's how bad I am at time management!!!!!!!!!!

I ask Hailey to clean up her room and we head to the car.
We have to drive downtown to the post office; it takes about five minutes.

Of course, the bitchy-ist lady is working today. I've been waiting for a Netflix DVD since last Friday and she insists that it isn't anywhere there. Netflix says they sent it. He said, she said, blah blah blah. I'm also waiting on 2 CD's I ordered from a small label in the MidWest. Since ten days ago. Stupid post office. Stupid government. Stupid stupid stupid.

We also got gas at Sheetz and then stopped at Dollar General for a unique variety of items including cat liter, band aids, chocolate italian straw cookies, and Dr.Pepper.

At this point, it's almost 2 and I promised my cousin I'd drive her into work at 3.

We went home, had some lunch, and read some books.

After taking her to work, Hailey and I went home and she wanted to take a nap.

So, she fell asleep around 3:20 or so (with her Barbie and the Magic of the Rainbow), and I decided to watch Percy Jackson and crochet a bit.

Three hours later and I look at the clock again... "Holy freaking crap!"

Hailey will not go to bed if she takes a nice five hour nap, so I wake her up and she yells at me. For a solid hour while I make dinner (tuna noodle). And still when I'm doing the dishes.

She finally stops when I say she can play in her room and watch the Disney Channel.

I sit down at my desk, open my laptop... And notice that I should be posting an entry in the blog for the start of the "Week in the Life of Me" project. One day in, and I'm total fail already.

I had to sit here for almost an hour to figure out what I wanted to write.
I promise that they won't all be like this :) Don't worry; I definately won't be writing play by plays of my day in each post!

Hailey just came in and said she was on an adventure and had to "turn into a super princess, I'll be right back Mama".

*five minutes of waiting*

"I'M SUPER PRINCESS!"



I love her, a whole lot. But, she is so loud all the time and I have an almost constant migraine! I wish I could go out and meet people, but she freaks if I go someplace without her.

It is one of my goals in the upcoming year to meet five new people, and at least one of them must be male!!! Lonelyness stinks! Worse than the dog poo.
So, what have we learned from this, kids?

#1 - I lack the essential time managment skills needed for someone of my age, parental status, and job class.
#2 - I space off a lot doing almost everything.
#3 - Poop is gross. And it is everywhere.
#4 - My life is super boring.

Until next time.

-Megan

4 comments:

  1. WOW our lil girls are so much alike lol she drives me nuts and i love her bunches. and I dont mind the play by play of your day. It might be a great way for you to unwind at the end of a day like you had today.

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  2. oh my goodness megan, your morning wow. we had that before with our dogs years ago. we left it for my dad to clean it up haha. my daughter drives me crazy as well. we had a meltdown today and i took a pic of it to show you all haha. tomorrow will be better! i liked the play by play!

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  3. Loved this post megan! Hailey sounds like Ava too :) I've totally had days like this...Loved reading your writing :)

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  4. Loved it!!! Omg. What a morning!!! Looking forward to the next entries. Hope u had a drink after that eventual day!

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